Communicating as Children Grow Up

A Parent’s Critical Challenge

September 30, 2005

Adrian H. Cline

Superintendent

Hoping to find their own identity, many kids between the ages of 10 and 15 distance themselves from their parents. While surfing the National Middle School Association website, this first sentence and the following caught my attention.

During this transitional stage between childhood and early adulthood, kids begin to question the purpose behind school, hobbies and even family.

More cynical and even at times resentful, kids experiencing adolescence can suffer intense feelings of insecurity. That is why parent involvement and careful communication during this stage of life is crucial. Here are some helpful tips:

• Talk to your kids on a regular basis. Get past the typical “how was your day.” Encourage kids to discuss courses, friends and peer pressures.

• Allow your kids to explore issues through discussion without passing judgment. Just make sure they understand the dangers of smoking, drug-use, and sexual relationships.

• Ask lots of questions. Know your kids’ friends, what they are doing in class and what is bothering them.

• Do not sweat the small stuff. Conflict can be expected. Is a crazy hairstyle as important as keeping up with homework?

• Tell stories about embarrassing moments you experienced when you were your kid’s age. Often kids feel all alone during adolescence. Sharing a laugh and even a little humiliation can offer needed relief.

• Encourage your kids to consider future aspirations like college, a career or athletic achievement. Explain the importance of setting goals and developing a plan of action.

• Be especially careful to model appropriate behavior in front of your kids. Practice what you preach. This is the time when kids become acutely aware of contradictions and inconsistencies.

• Respect your kid’s autonomy and increasing interest in peer groups. It is time to allow kids some independence. But make the most of the time you have. Take your kids shopping, do chores together and eat dinner with the TV off. While out and about, get your kids talking. Make sure they know you are listening and what they say matters.

• Finally, acknowledge achievement. During this stage of life kids undergo rapid physical and mental growth. They are constantly seeking affirmation from teachers, peers and parents. Celebrate success in school, in athletics and any other extracurricular activities.

The Office of Adrian H. Cline, Superintendent of Schools, is open from 7:00 a.m. – 5:30 p.m. Monday – Friday.