When Your Teenager Will
Not Talk to You
Adrian H. Cline
One
minute you have a chatty 13-year-old with braces, the next you have a rather
sullen teenager who grunts and speaks occasionally, but only in
monosyllables. This child does not want
to share, has his or her own opinions, seldom wants to be part of family
gatherings, and thinks everything you do is embarrassing.
The
teenage years are a buffer between childhood and adulthood, a time when
youngsters try out new roles and search for their identity. Often, teenagers feel accepted only when they
are with other teenagers, and the most important thing in their lives is to fit
in with their peers.
It
is important for teenagers to have some control over their lives. They have a right to privacy, just as adults
do. Yet, you should be the one who
decides what teens will have control over and what they will not. Remember that learning to take control is a
process by which a child matures and learns responsibility.
If
your child chooses to talk to you about problems, make yourself available and
drop whatever you are doing to listen.
Do not make your child feel he or she has to talk to you. Once your child realizes he or she does not
have to talk, he or she will begin to communicate more often. If, on the other hand, the child does not
want to talk, respect his or her decision unless the information you are
seeking is vital to his or her well-being.
Try
to understand what your teenager is going through, and be aware that your ideas
and opinions are not always the only ones.
Look at the teenage years as a learning experience for both you and your
child—everything that is said or done will be a trial you will both have to
handle.
Put Good Manners into
Practice
September is Children’s Good Manners Month. Parents and teachers can work together using
the following tips to help students develop and practice good manners:
§
Be a role model.
Children learn by example, so keep your good manners turned-on at all
times.
§
Develop a family policy. Establish rules for good manners, like saying
“please” and “thank you.”
§
Remember the Golden Rule.
Treat others with the same good manners as you would have them treat
you.
§
Use words, not actions.
Teach children how to express themselves calmly so they do not act out
their emotions.
§
Take turns and share.
Fairness is a concept that even the youngest children can understand.
Teach it.
§
Honesty is always the
best policy. Teaching young people to admit to misbehavior
is an important lesson.
§
Teach empathy.
If youngsters can relate to others, then the Golden Rule is easy for
them to apply.
§
Praise good behavior.
Handout compliments when children do something courteous and right.
The
Office of Adrian H. Cline, Superintendent of Schools, is open from